I spend a lot of time supporting the goals, dreams and passions of others…but little time supporting my own.  Its not that I don’t have them…in fact I probably have more than your average bear…I just don’t take the time…and when they are your own they feel overwhelming.  Where do you start when you know exactly what you want the end result to be.  Well, the simple answer is at the beginning.  But I never and I mean NEVA start things in a logical order.  After all I am the girl who had twins BEFORE she was married…and oh yeah…before I was an adult.  I went to college without graduating high school.  I started a business without….well you get the picture.  I read the middle of a book if I am bored with the beginning…and prefer the end.  So starting out trying to do the right things in the right order means that sometimes doing the boring stuff first…and with me that means it might not get done.  I want to do the stuff that’s creative and interesting that makes the biggest impact the fastest.  But I am working to do ONE THING each day to support my own dreams, goals and passions…even if its a boring thing, or a little thing…a drop in the pond creates big ripples…if you let it.  So I am doing one thing…

 What are you doing to support your own goals, dreams and passions?  I need all the encouragement I can get!

Maybe it was rereading all my journal entries from Paris, or the work I’m doing on some articles about Paris, or just that I am craving a Pain au Chocolat and I’m just to lazy to walk to Starbucks and get the closest thing they have…so instead I sit here and eat a chocolate bar for breakfast.  Not the same…but not bad either.  Mmmmm….. God thank you for chocolate.

So you are all probably wondering (if you still stop by) where the hell nini has been.  Basically I have been in a cave of work, moving, adjusting, holidays, more work, more adjusting, for the last 3 months and am just starting to poke my head out. 

Denver is good…actually Denver is great…but I want to be on the move.  I want to travel.  To not have the responsbility of electric bills, etc.  So I am trying to figure out what that looks like. 

 Anyways thats the quick update.  I promise to be more diligent.  In the meantime…something I am doing on a regular basis…www.denverdailyphotoblog.blogspot.com.  Check it out.

 Nini

I really do.  I love my funky little apartment.  But lets face it as always I am doing things backwards and in so many ways this is something I hould have been doing 20 years ago.  So its a little odd.  And tonight….I am missing Europe.  Wondering how everyone in Montmartre is doing, missing my apertif at Le Botak, trying to remember the great experience I had and not get sucked into the fact that our stuff STILL has not gotten here, that I am overwhelmed by my upcoming show/sale, checks are disappearing again….as a friend pointed out…there doe seem to be a pattern that happens when I am trying to follow God.  So I will stay strong in the fact that I must be doing something right.

 But I do feel the travel bug starting to bite…I’m hoping to start planning a trip.  Even if its just the planning process…the hope of getting back to some of my fav places in the world.

 But this is a fav place of mine where I am right now…I really do have a cool place…funky, european, antiques and the amazing gifts that neighbors have given me…has given me a fun, funky, eclectic, Anita like apartment that will be finished if my crap ever gets here!

Sat Oct 20 Partly Cloudy / Wind 72°/37° 10%			72°F
Sun Oct 21 Rain / Snow / Wind 39°/30° 60%			39°F
Mon Oct 22 Sunny 46°/32° 10%			46°F

I’ve landed here and so have the girls.  Now trying to get everything together.  Stressful…trying to get settled, moving truck no where to be found…but things are good…most days…no time to do much exploring, etc.

 Need to start working on my show…and not sure how I’ll find the time….and am struggling choosing the photos, deciding how to mount them, etc.

Busy, busy, busy…what’s new.

IMG_9316

Originally uploaded by thrivestyle

This is a photo I took in Siena Italy. Notice the Heineken bottle. Now that’s how to do laundry!

In other news I have found a place to live in Denver!

And I’ve completed my photography website. http://www.thrivestyle.com and my new photo blog http://www.thrivestyle.blogspot.com.

this is a song by Augustana that is my ring tone and really has been my theme song. 

She said I think I’ll go to Boston…
I think I’ll start a new life,
I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather,
I think I’ll get a lover and fly em out to Spain…
I think I’ll go to Boston,
I think that I’m just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind…
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset,
I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice… oh yeah,

And that’s how I am feeling again.  Caught in the midst of exhaustion just from being in this place and back in my old life and from what I can tell it is noticable.  My dad is in California visiting and he said to me yesterday “when you came back from Europe I thought what ever that trip cost it was worth every penny and now looking at you you look as tired and stressed as you did before you left”.  And he’s right.  Its almost as if all of the positive change that took place is being irradicated slowly (well maybe not so slow) by being back here.  And it is killing me softly.

Its little things as well as big.  Things like the traffic (UGH), the people (UGH), the rush of life coupled with the transitions my little family are going through now that I am back, the ugly monster of concern turning into fear, the miscommunication and the problem with 3 sides of the story (yours, mine and the truth)…I am always 30 seconds from chucking it all and getting on a plane…to Boston, to Europe, to Siberia for that matter.  Where no one knows my name.

And while most people probably connect more with the Cheers theme song about a place where EVERYBODY knows your name…a place where no one knows my name seems to be where I am my healthiest.  And I can’t figure out why.  I love the people in my life.  Am a people person for the most part.  But where I used to find energy, and meaning and purpose…I now find exhaustion, and confusion, and frustration.  And that is not good.  And I am not good here.  Now it would be easy to say that this is just a thing going on between me and my girls and that they are still growing up and we are still working through that…and that’s true.  But its more than that.  And I don’t like it.  I don’t like me here.  For everyone who says that a place is just a place that wherever you are there you are they are wrong.  I’ve seen the truth, I’ve lived it.  A change in place can bring about a new you, the better you, the you you were meant to be.  So what do you do at the end of your stay in that place.  You can try with all your might to bring that person back with you.  But places hold memories, and different situations, and people, and you can become that old person without even trying.  Except its worse, because you know the other side.  You know the better you.  You know the freedom.  You know the possibilities.  And so you mourn the loss of it while still trying to recapture it. 

So I think I’ll go to Boston (ok Denver), I think I’ll start a new life, Get out of California, I’m tired of the weather…

As I mentioned in my last post one of my goals during my 39th year, is to work towards doing something with my photography.  Well today I found out that I might be good enough…or at least the first step towards it.  I submitted my stuff to the Botanical Gardens in Denver to be considered to be an exhibitor/vendor at their Holiday Sale.  This sale is juried so they judge each potential vendor.  And I got the call today that I have been accepted.   

 That’s big news and scary news.  And now the fun begins.  What will I bring, how will I frame it and price it.  But its a start and move in the right direction.   God will have to bring it all together because honestly I don’t have the confidence at this point.  But I took the risk, and it was their choice to choose me.  So it must mean something. 

 I will be providing a link here soon to my flickr account and will be asking for your input as to what your favorite photo is or what you think other would like to see.

 I’m still adjusting to being in California and getting ready for the big move to Denver. 

Only 2 weeks until my 39th birthday.  It is so hard to believe…and even harder to believe is that yesterday the girls turned 19…they are adults now and yet in a lot of ways I still feel 19 and in others I feel like I’ve been 39 for most of my life.  38 was the year of the great adventure and the start of the empty nest.  It was everything it promised to be and more, the good and the bad.

My goal was to travel and I did that.  So I figured I’d better start setting some goals for this year.

 Make the move to Denver.  This will allow me to drop my rent to 1/3 of what it is usually (if not more) and since the girls are going to it will drop their rent as well.  It lets us live independent of each other but near at the same time.  Something that just doesn’t make sense in the OC.  A lower rent will also mean I won’t feel so bad about wasted money when I jet off somewhere.  

Find the right place.  Part of the move to Denver is finding the right place.  Its a tall order.  But place is very important to me.  So the list for this place includes the right place downtown, near coffee shops, galleries, etc., hardwood floors, an amazing kitchen, a great space to entertain, a space for my office/studio, exposed brick, pets allowed (see additional goals), and super affordable.  Believe it or not there are places out there that meet the requirements but I am holding out hope for more affordable!

Sell my Photography.  I am working on this one now.  I would love to transition to more of a customer based then client based business.  I may or may not be good enough.  People may or may not like it.  But one thing I have learned is you have to at least try. 

Finish at least one of my books.  I have an idea for a series of books that I have begun working on.  That incorporates my photography, my journals and design.  The first in the series is about 65% complete.  But I have stalled myself.  Fear.  Mostly.  But I am determined to push through and get the first one done.

 To accomplish the last two goals I have created thrivestyle.  Its a play on the word lifestyle.  Thrive is a word that was very important to me on my trip and incorporating the idea of thriving instead of striving and surviving in to my life..hence thrivestyle.  I think its an issue alot of us struggle with.  The site right now is just my photography store site but in the future will also incorporate the books, etc.  www.thrivestyle.com

Continue to travel.   Thats self-explanatory obviously.  I’d love to return to Florence (hopefully for the olive picking).  To go to South Africa.  Ireland, Greece, Fiji are also on my list of places I have always wanted to go.

 Not the full mondo beyondo list for the part that seems within reach.

And since it is my birthday, here is part of my mondo beyondo birthday wishlist.  Something I would never usually do…but at least if its out here my family might get it right

A Flicker Pro Account

This camera - to replace my trusty S3 which took a beating in my travels.  Even though REAL photographers shoot DSLR, I am realizing that this camera has everything I need to shoot the way I do and is about 1/3 of the price!

An around the world airline ticket - hey a girl can dream can’t she?

Anyways, exhausted but hopeful.  Ready for a great year. 

Well I am back in Cali and trying to adjust.  Things are good with the girls (probably because I am staying somewhere else :)) and it is good to see old friends (and new ones since 2 babies have been born since I left). 

But coming back has made me realize even more that this is not the place for me.  The people make me nuts, the traffic is mind-boggling…so off I go.

The great news is that I have made 2 sales of my photographs on my etsy store which I am thrilled about and was a much needed boost of confidence in the area of my photography.

 Still looking for a place to live in Denver but have narrowed down the areas to 2 or 3 in the city.

Stay tuned for phase 2 of the adventure that is my empty-nested life!